R.E.: Giving up makeup
Literally the DAY I put up the post, someone asked why I didn’t just give it up every day, rather than just wear it on Saturdays. So that’s exactly what I did. No makeup for 47 days. I’m 37/47 days in, here’s how it’s going:
Since I last posted I’ve had quite a few people I actually know, come and talk to me about how I’m not wearing makeup and how they’ve read my post, which is great! I loved those conversations. I’ve also had a fair few “I noticed you haven’t been wearing makeup recently, are you doing alright?” which I won’t lie, have made me laugh. I just think “I’m doing fine, READ MY BLOG POST AND YOU’LL SEE WHY!!”
I’ve also noticed that I HAVEN’T been catcalled at all since I’ve stopped wearing it. This may just be a coincidence, but it’s something I’ve noticed. On the other hand, I’ve also witnessed just how great my skin has got. Whilst my scars haven’t all faded, it looks amazing! I’ve had close friends and family tell me that it looks a lot better and whilst I’m excited to wear makeup again, I’m enjoying the lack of it too. Just yesterday I went on a walk with a friend of mine, and he told me that he preferred me without makeup than with. That was pretty cool to hear.
I can’t tell you it’s all been great though. I have had so many low moments during this time and often I’d think “I wish I could just wear some makeup and feel better.” A good example of this is that I got my braces off since lent began (woooooo) but I had to spend 2 weeks missing the teeth next to my front two, and with a plastic retainer on, until I could get the false ones put in.
I didn’t take any “selfies” for a while, and (especially on snapchat) I felt embarrassed to send pictures of my face to people. Additionally, any pictures I did take, I tended to try put my hand in front of my face so it would take the attention away from how I wasn’t wearing any makeup. I was considering myself to be less “beautiful” because I hadn’t put on my (sort of) “alter-ego” identity. It was nice to have that extra confidence boost with makeup.
It’s also meant that others around me were blunter as to how they viewed me before I stopped wearing it. It almost felt like they didn’t realise that after the lent period was done, I would be wearing it again. One conversation that I particularly remember, at the start of this, was someone telling me that “when you wear makeup, you’re only doing it because you want to hide your real face” and believe me, it was nearly impossible to get it through to this person that makeup “enhances” not “hides”, but that was one comment which wound me up, to say the least.
But all in all, I do genuinely love how my skin is looking right now and I’m more confident in how I look than I was when this started! I love that, and will definitely make sure to give a FULL rundown on everything once Easter is done.
More recently than this, I’ve had a bit of a curveball from life, if I’m honest, and it’s taking its toll on me. I’m thankful that I’ve had so much support and love from friends and family, but I’m still finding it hard. This “event” literally only happened this week and my feelings are raw, and I’m down and vulnerable. So forgive me for not disclosing details today, but I also wanted to just write down my feelings.
One of the few plus sides is that I got taken on a gorgeous walk with my mum:
But this “event”, whilst it’s made me
kinda miserable, has meant that I’m focusing on myself and how to make myself happy. I’m only taking baby-steps at doing stuff at the moment, but I have been reading the bible more and I’ve bought a journal which I’m using to write down anything I’ve prayed for and to see the responses and what happens. Both these things are exciting and I’m looking forward to documenting all that God is doing in my life and for those around me. Moreover, somebody I know read C.S. Lewis’ Mere Christianity and went on for ages about how great a book it is, so on Wednesday when I was feeling low, I started reading it and I’m now a little under 1/2 of the way through. It’s actually really good and although it’s a little wordy, studying Philosophy helps because the way it’s written is very similar to some of the other things we study.
But mostly I’m remembering that I do actually have so many interests that I’ve lost touch with. I was OBSESSED with doing photography 2 years ago and I want to get back into that. I enjoy buying books with the intention of reading them, although I don’t think I’ve actually got over half way through any in the last 18 months, so reading is something I want to get back into. Also, I used to be able to solve a Rubix cube in 2 minutes, I’ve now forgotten how to do that – so I’m going to re-learn how to do that! But I’ve decided it’s best if I take my days one at a time, so that’s what I’m doing.
Between beginning writing this post and now, I’ve met up with my youth leader from church for lunch and a coffee and she’s been great and given me so much advice and support, as she said, I’m going to “take things one day at a time, and when that’s too much, take it one second at a time” which I intend on doing. I am such a firm believer in “WHAT IS MEANT TO BE, WILL BE” and so I’m just telling myself that things can only get better from here and essentially I’m just at the bottom of a ladder and have got to start climbing, I’ve had the worst of it and I just need to push through until my emotions begin to subside. Loads of people have been giving me advice and love so I’m trying to take it all on board and I want to work on it all!
And I know before now when things got bad, I would blame God and be angry that He let such a thing happen. I can honestly tell you, while I’m upset with this “event”, I’m not angry with God or anyone else and all. At the start of this week I felt worthless and unloved and just crappy in general, and while I still feel rubbish I don’t feel like I’m the least loveable person alive anymore – infact the opposite. There was a bible verse I found today and I absolutely love it and the message it gives, so I wanted to share it:
Matthew 10: 29-31
29 Two sparrows cost only a penny, but not even one of them can die without your Father’s knowing it. 30 God even knows how many hairs are on your head. 31 So don’t be afraid. You are worth much more than many sparrows.
If you don’t quite understand why I love this so much, it’s basically saying that sparrows are so important to God, that He knows about what’s happening with them and if one dies – He knows. Then it’s saying that God knows things about you, that you probably don’t even know (how many hairs are on your head) and that we are worth so much more than sparrows. That must mean we are sososososo important to God and so loved to God if He is concerned with the death of even ONE sparrow and we are “worth much more than many sparrows.” This verse really reaffirmed how loved I am by God and how important I am to Him. I’m carrying that message with me this coming week.
I am so thankful to everyone who is loving me and supporting me during this time. Whilst I am not going to be having the best time in the next little while, I do have many things to look forward to and to get excited about. If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s reminding myself that I’ve got to stay positive – which is sort of why I have this blog, it forces me to look on the bright side.
The final thing I’m going to quickly mention is my teeth. As I said earlier, I have false ones in and whilst it’s not the same as having real ones, I have a full smile for the first time in years! So I figured I’d finish up with a final picture as to how they look. I can’t stop smiling with them in! It’s just so exciting!!!!!!
Anyway, I actually have A Levels I need to revise for and sooo much other fun stuff to doooo! (JKS I hate revising!)
Big love, talk soon!